MLP FANFIC-PONY TALES-DERPY'S LIFE-Episode One
by Rosey877
Summary: Episode 1 of pony tales! Yahooo! Derpy's crazy muffin addiction leads her to doing something you would never dare- intruding in princess Celestia's castle! Is her mere love for lemony and salty muffins... that mere? And find ANOTHER secret, that will make you see your dear Princess a bit... differently. NOT DIRTY, NO BAD WORDS, NO PAIN EXCEPT A BIT AT THE END.


ATTENTION! This is a series called Pony Tales! Different adventures in ponyville and the WHOLE of Equestria! This episode I am doing DERPY- The derpy little gray mare, who would get lost in her own backyard.

Remember, I do not own HABRO TM or My Little Pony TM. Please comment criticism- nicely. I am very scared this wont work out.

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Derpy walked along the road, looking at everyone with her twisted upside-down eyes.

She was hungry. Her daily breakfast of muffins was coming soon. She had spent the day, colouring some kid's colouring book she stole, the week before. And she was gooood.

" Muffins...i want muffins!" she said, as she walked to sugar-cube corner- for the tenth time this hour. Muffins were her favourite food. They had to be sour and lemony and VERY VERY salty. Ugh, but she liked it.

Pinkie Pie was just giving a delicious cake to a customer, when she groaned and ducked behind the counter.

" It's Derpy again..." she groaned, in disgust. " And the muffins are finished."

Mrs Cake sighed. " Ask her for the lemon cupcakes instead."

Derpy shoved ponies away and looked at the counter.

" May I have...muffinssss." she said goofily.

Pinkie Pie looked at a box, Mrs Cake had given her. " I have cupcakes- muffins are finished."

" No...muffins?" Derpy asked, blankly.

" Cupcakes are really similar to muffins-" Mrs Cake chimed in.

" NO MUFFINS!?" Derpy demanded.

" Um, no, but um-" Mrs Cake stuttered.

" NO MUFFINS!" Derpy's eyes seemed to get angry, and red...

" MUFFFINS!"

Derpy ran out the shop and rampaged round the town.

" Carrot?" Mrs Cake asked her husband.

"Yes, cup?" Mr Cake came, holding a plate of jam tarts in his mouth.

"Lemony muffins... now." she said. She had to pull out the welcome mat out of old Derpy.

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Derpy ran to a baker's shop.

The plump, stout, Earth Pony hid behind the counter.

"Oh no!" she trembled. " it's... It's her!"

Derpy pressed the bell.

Silence.

She pressed it again.

Silence.

She pressed it again.

Silence.

" HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?" She screamed.

The baker-woman jumped and became visible. " Argh Darn it!" she scowled.

" Oh, bakery lady- I want lemony muffin!" Derpy said, trying to be stern, but she had too goofy a face.

" But you cleaned me out, an hour ago! We haven't even bought enough lemons-"

Derpy ran out before she could finish.

The woman sighed. " I need a vacation."

Derpy ran to shop after shop, but she had eaten EVERY single muffin in Ponyville!

" Ponyville do me no good. Me go to Canterlot Bakery and clean THEM out."Goofy said. " Now all I need is a Pegasus."

" You ARE a pegasus, idiot." someone said, as they passed by.

" Oh yeah,"Derpy's golden eyes went upside down."Silly me. Hmm.. Now me fly to Canterlot. Me go.. Me go now... Now..." and she flew up and went zig-zag, weirdly, like a drunk person, around the sky.

Then she saw the Canterlot sky-boarder.

The guards stared at her. " Yes?" they asked.

" Me go in Canterlot." Derpy said matter-of-factly.

" Noone can enter without Princess Celestia's permission. Where is your permit?" The guard said, steadily.

" But-"

" Sorry, ma'am. No exceptions."

Derpy got mad. " I no need permit." she said sternly. Then she pushed forward with all her strength and pushed the guards away!

" After her!" The guards shrieked.

Derpy flew as fast as she could, while the guards followed. She hid behind a shop door, and lost the guards. Luckily, the shop door was a bakery shop.

" Lemony and Salty muffins please..."Derpy said, weirdly.

" Uh... we don't make that..." the woman said, head held high. " Where DO you eat such garbage."

It was true, noone would want to eat such disgusting muffins, and Derpy had forced every Bakery in Ponyville to make them or she'd do the "DERPY Stare."

And here was this illiterate ( Derpy's opinion) offending her love!

Derpy screamed! And put both hoofs on the woman's front body, and tackled her to the ground.

" Where me find them?" Derpy tried to put her eyes straight.

" You cow! Get off me!"

People gathered and pulled Derpy off. But Derpy was stiffly glued.

" TELL ME!" She gurgled. Then she burped.

"Ugh!"

" Don't make me do the Derpy Stare!"  
" Seriously?"

Derpy's eye balls expanded and stuck out and stared...

The woman screamed. " Stop! Stop! I'll tell you! Princess Celestia keeps them at her pantry! She has some strange obsession with them!"

Derpy smiled. " Thankyou fair, damsel."

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While the guards rampaged around, finding the gray intruder, Derpy was standing infront of the royal castle.

Obviously, THOSE royal guards were shoved away,too. And Derpy was being chased.

But thankfully, she hid behind the Princess's Bed, and lost the fools.

" Ok, now me find royal kitchen and royal pantry and royal lemony muffins!" Derpy made up her mind and carefully, with her goofy face, tip-toed to different vast rooms.

First, she saw a glittering room called the Dining Room. Delicous, tasty food was spread out and candles flickered. And thirst-quenching, cold water was put in blue, appetizing glasses. Derpy stared and stared. Then she went to a few number of rooms, and I have to admit, one in which Princess Celestia's picture of dancing to the song" "Gangam Style," was there.

Derpy finally bumped into a floury door. On the door, in solid gold letters was written: ' Royal Kitchen.'

She went in, and looked carefully, at the people baking and cooking. Just next to someone who is making roasted chicken (which ponies do not eat, and that is pretty strange), there is a gold door with red ruby letters: ' Pantry.'

And with that, Derpy went slowly, carefully, stealing someone's chef hat and pretending to be a chef, and then creeping to the , it was all normal like a pantry, but there was ANOTHER small rudy door, with yellow paint splattered on it: ' Muffin Center: Keep out Luna!' Derpy grinned and went inside, and gasped. There it was... The yellow, twisted muffins.

"Nom nom nom."

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" It is time!" Princess Celestia told her sister, Luna, who was sleeping. " For my muffins..."

"I HATE those things. I got sick for a week! How can you eat it?" Luna mumbled.

" I am crazy."

Celestia went in the kitchen, her hair flowing with misty fog.

"Your majesty..." A Unicorn stallion opened the pantry door. He was wearing a white, floury and mealy apron and was bowing in respect and awe.

P.C. grinned. " Thankyou. My special handkerchief?"

The stallion quickly got the yellow tissue with pink ears, and the Princess tied it around her neck, grinning.

She stepped in the pantry, almost knocking down a bag of chilli. Then with a smile, she opened the Muffin door, and came inside and sat down. A few whimpers came, but she didn't mind, really.

And then she screamed: " MUFFFINNNN TIME!"

The Princess bit down on something...No taste came, nor was it soft. It was... nothing. She blinked in the dim light, and opened the crystally pink lights which at once enlightened the small,cozy room. The room even had an Ipad, and a T.v.

The Princess grew rather hot. " WHERE IN HAY ARE MY MUFFINS!?'

_WHIMPER, WHIMPER, NOM,NOM._

" What is that voice?" she looked around, and behind the velvet green sofa was a yellow tail.

" Why, which rascall..."

She pulled the tail to her face, and glared at it. Derpy's face had a few crumbs.

" You ate my muffins!?"

" Yes... Um,your majesty?"

" Don't you majesty me! How dare you!"

"I guess I have courage."

" Why you insolent little! I'll give you a punishment!"

" WAAA WAAA, Am I scared?...um, your Majesty?"

" You freak! I was saving them for my muffin time!"

" And your point is? Um, your majesty?"

" That's it!" The Princess flung Derpy to the ground, and shackled the Pegasus's arms and legs and got a big spoon, and began to spank her flank.

THWAK! THWAK! THWAK!

Derpy squealed and struggled to get free. A leather belt began to spank instead.

SMACK! WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! WHIP!

The Princess was so angry, Derpy's flank was already red. Then Derpy actually broke the leg shackles and hit the Princess in the face! She grabbed the rope and spanked the Princess! the Princess pushed her away, and Derpy flew off. Now everyone was after her. The guards were chasing her,The princess was, the canterlot- boarder guards were flying faster than ever, picking up speed, angrily.

Derpy flew to Ponyville and rushed to her tree-house and hid there. Police sirens and guards were looking for she was wanted... LOL.

Derpy sighed. She had eaten all the muffins and her belly was sticking out- that was fun!

RUMBLE RUMBLE.

She needed more muffins...

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**How was it, guys? I hope you liked it Derpy fans! PLEASE NOTE: THIS STORY IS FINISHED: NO CONTINUING OF THIS! AND EPISODE 2 WILL BE POSTED HERE ONLY. I MEAN, LIKE YOU CHECK THE NEXT CHAPTER OR PART OF THE STORY, BY THE PULL-OUT TAB? EPISODE 2 AND ALL FUTURE EPISODES WILL BE THERE. THANKYOU!**

**I really enjoyed making this LOL, BUT i THink I ended the story, a bit abruptly, so please bear with me. Read on, dudes :P**


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